mandag, december 04, 2006

Take 2

Didn't make it to West Palm Beach yesterday as planned. O'Hare was still down to one runway--not exactly an ideal situation for the nation's busiest commuter airport--on the tail of snow and, I think, a cargo plane sliding off a runway into a ditch. (Nice one, FedEx.)

So my flight checked in on-time. I even splurged and paid $40 to upgrade to a window seat that promised FIVE MORE INCHES OF ROOM!! You should have seen the graphic in support of this sales pitch. Five inches looked like a football field. But when you're a 135 pounds and still don't fit the seats on these airplanes, that's not a nice situation.

How can the fattest nation have such tiny airline seats? One of two things needs to happen in order for this to be corrected.

Scenario A - We assign airline seating based upon taxable income. Those with the highest incomes get the worst seats. (Middle seats, economy class. NO UPGRADES for CEOs or sports stars!)

Scenario B - No one should be allowed to graduate high school and college without passing in their final semester a personal financial management course and a course geared towards basic public interaction and spatial relations. This would apply to, say, the design of airline seating, how to park a car, line etiquette, etc.

I'm no Maoist, but many of us deserve a good punch in the face for our public behavior, especially at the holidays (Oh, the love!). I keep thinking of George Costanza's protest at New York's indifference: "We're living in a society here!"

Anyhow: My flight checked in on time, but was listed as delayed at the gate. Finally, they announced the 3:30 departure wouldn't happen until 5:00, which made it impossible, of course, to make a 5:35 connection in Chicago. So they offered to send me to Miami at midnight. Mmm, no. Lauderdale at midnight on another airline? but which would not actually guarantee you a seat? Mmm, no. How 'bout we try this again tomorrow?

Deal. So here I go again, as White Snake sang. (Where's my Tawny Kitaen!? Whither the Witchboard director's cut? Is she still kicking her husband's butt?)

1:30 to Chicago. 5:30 to West Palm. We think.
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